I’m old now, so I get to drop wisdom on the young. This is the form it will take.

God help them.

For what it’s worth, I offer prospective enjoyers of  sexual endeavors this much. After you get past the awkward, stumbling, was-that-a-happy-grunt-or-a-“Help-I-can’t-breathe”-grunt stage, sex more resembles a SWAT team. Everyone knows their positions, precision maneuvers are executed flawlessly, and all the latest tools are being used to devastating effect. Also, if you’re doing it correctly, the terrorists lose.