Take that, patriarchy! Well, now that I’ve solved all women’s issues forever, I think I’ll just kick back and enjoy the holiday.

So yeah, I’ve never been a fan of that weird disparity between men’s Halloween costumes and women’s Halloween costumes. This whole trend of taking any men’s costume, subtracting 70% of the fabric, and slapping the adjective “sexy” on the front is pretty deplorable. (What’s worse, they aren’t even sexy! They go no class.) Ah, well. We all know the best costumes don’t come off a shelf, anyway.

But I’m not about to let obnoxiously pervasive sexism get the in the way of the Best Holiday in The Universe, and I hope you won’t either. The hell with heteronormativity, says I! It’s Halloween, dammit!

So Happy Halloween, all! Or Happy Samhain, as the case may be!