Girl’s Best Friend

While most women are attracted to shiny objects because they use them to decorate the intricate nests they build in chimneys, gutters, and highway overpasses, I find that diamonds are typically put to more nefarious purposes. Please keep this in mind if your fiancé is insistent on a diamond engagement ring.

The real question here, of course, is why a bank robber with a genuine super power is hanging out with a dude that looks like the Hamburglar. Maybe they met over the Internet with some internet dating service for super villains. I can only imagine what that first conversation must have been like.

“I thought you had a melt gun or something! Y’know, so we’d have this whole ‘fire and ice’ theme.”

“No, but see, I’m The Burglar. I burgle.”

“Ugh, God, whatever, let’s just go.”